change is hard

comin to grips with reality
the present self tat i am now
slowly reassertin in this time and place
same old sights and same old place
the onli thing is me tat changed
a long time ago when everythin was fine
so different.so different now
every bad times has its silver linin
mine was ya back then
times have changed and change is hard
in this world
in this heart
every different stage of life
every other different faces
each another story
many a dream i would like to sell
to take away the hurt of each dream

pain way too painful

takin things hard and it hurts so much
another point of view
another perspective
another way
another happy endin and i'll be alive

its time like this tat i hate myself
things tat are juz outta my own hands

2yrs ago and it would have been perfect
was stupid.was blind
was the biggest fool not to realise anythin at all
the emotions in the atmosphere of u and me
the skyline a perfect hue
untouched.pure and gold
silence was most treasured
decibels tat broke thru the serene surreal
puttin on the music in an attempt to cut off the blues
overwhelmin pain tats hidden
cuz i juz had too much things unsaid to u

dun pretend u can forget bout me
another casualty of normality
dun count on me to conform
nvr to fall in line
nothin is wasted.onli regretted
always a chillin rain
soakin pain
the start of the end roll
even if i dun understand
i still remember faithfully without fail
the leaves drop like the way im missin
salvagin before the set in
till they hit the ground
all i ever wanted was to stay by ur side a longer while

everytime i walk
take away my lone dignity
not afraid to lose it all
gamblin my happiness away
all or nothin such are the stakes
u'll take away my everythin everytime u leave
ur back view seen one too many times
closed my eyes as it fades from view
in my head all i ever saw
the few last words tat i heard
the notarnal tunes tat breaks ur heart everytime u hear
no matter how long it has been for u
i write for old memories sake
the heart tat beats only for u
all stale and cold within

until the day we die
in a pool of blood
i mean it
i mean this
we'll make the same mistakes
i'll take the fall for ya till blood soaks my shirt
nvr fall apart yet this hurts so much

the room keys borrowed.used and returned
just like ur hands
enough of my uselessness
takin away my life but learnin to smile again
forehead kissed.warmed.slowly losin warmth
cold.over.used to this kinda heartbeat
finally understandin happiness was nvr lackin
forget it
forget it
enough.more than satisfied
loved.kissed.
juz like holdin ur hands

too painful a mistake
too painful a lesson
a world of fools tryin to break us down
and u may not feel tat i care for u
keep me warm in ur love and u softly leave

if only u could see the way she is
u would understand why i feel this way
and what i muz do bout this love
if onli u could see her beautiful eyes when she says
when she says i love u
u would noe how much i would do for her

one too many bad day tat i gotten used to livin
freedom tat goes up in flames
tats the only way when everythins so wrong

dunno how i can make it all up to u
after all the hurt ive put u thru
and all the times i caused u pain
i dun tink i can ever repay
not even with this stupid life of mine

empty.they float thru my hands
my identity.has it been taken
gimme the strength i need
the strength to keep on goin
life would haf been better off dead
at least nobody would be sad
so much so for all the things done and said
takin it no more

and so as we

set my heart at ease
clenchin a fist
fightin the wind
closed my eyes to feel with the heart

cuz she reminds me of u
down to the little small things tat u'd like to do
and i noe this time its really goodbye
as i raised my hands to reach for the sky
ive always been true
ive waited so long
its been far too long in all tat we do
closer to heaven with u
seems tat ure cold in love
the past tense could not come in time to start all over again
walkin at a pace where only u can walk alone
its not like i can understand
lest even speak and so as we go
and so as i write

dun wanna be the one

sentimental is wad u chose to believe
stories tat were built to deceive
at the end was a light at the top of the staircase
the light peepin thru the ajar door
in and out right and wrong
hot and cold the other moment
sing me a song
long enough to accomodate all ur love
do u realli wanna grow old
do u realli wanna turn cold

deja vu.memories of u in my dreams
betrayal.scenes of the unforgivable
fantansies.eyes wide open starin hard
more and more dreams
explain them to me
playin with my mind
seein things the way i am
everytime i see ur face at all
locked in a room of regrets
strugglin is fultile
without directions towards eternity
lost towards forever
a love tats so heavy
a story unfinished in tat yr to continue on to the end
will u return all tat uve taken away with a smile

i dun wanna be the one to do the same old things all over again
the same mundane things tat we both do
cravin for excitment and thrills
not the times spent missin ya
i dun wanna be the one left alone at the end when ure all too faraway
i dun.baby. i dun
the world will not fall apart without u
i dun wanna be the one to be kept waitin forever
not gonna be the fool for ya
waitin for a thing tat can nvr happen
not this way.not anymore
lovin does not mean onli u
its time to go against the flow
away from one another
in opposite directions i shall walk from ya
till the day we meet once again

we'll be halfway round the world if we walked long enough

the saddest of blues
the heart wrenchin tunes
brings a drop of tear to ur eyes
as the warmth from ur hand fades
enough to drain the life from my body
if only to learn to smile again
tokens of love tat got lost along the way
happiness was nvr abandoned
the rain tat washes both u and me clean
loved.kissed.used.discarded
too used to the tempo of ur heartbeat
wanderin without a sense of belongin
a set of love of two for sale

memorial address

at the end of time
back down along memory lane
theres pictures pasted on the walls
posters of so many yesterdays
the highlight of the year
the soundtrack of the year playin from station to station
the headlines pasted all over the bulletins
with the cold chill as companion

guess im outta time
the lines blurred
and i can no longer be affirmative
if u were a fren or a love tat passed me by

u taught me love.sorrows.life
u made me feel.had a dream
changed everythin bout me
i nvr cherished
i nvr did
i nvr learnt
i nvr will haf another chance to
i knew how to let go
but i nvr knew how to forget
i will nvr love tat much again
not with anyone else but u
havin more and more dreams
fantasies or realities with eyes wide open
juz tell me who u are

words of the past
wounds of the present
we held hands sayin to walk till the end
let time tell the truth
both of us afraid to hear the answer
we took for granted wad was ahead of us
why muz it come to this
perhaps u dun haf an answer too
seein another piece of sky within the realm of ur eyes
can it be tat we muz haf such opposite dreams
we promised still
to walk each other to the end
hand in hand

cried all nite till there was nothin more
lyin there.a heap on the floor
takin it hard juz the way she would
a puzzle with a missin part
devotion tats juz no good
wad can u do with a sentimental heart

natural

everythin all natural
the very feelins tat still remain
ur fav songs all within the touch of a playlist
allow my missin to replace
to fill in the void to love u
nothin could stop me from missin u
no matter the endin
without any demands
allow me to wipe those tears off ur cheeks
cuz love is a present

replace

years it has been
the long and lonely nites
the cold and empty room
ure my first and only one
heaven noes hows much im still in love with u
my mouth denyin it
my heart rejectin it
deep inside i can nvr hide
my mind wanders off turnin to u at the most fragile of all moments
in the wee hours of the nite
where one sits all alone in the corner of the room
damn this education
i could nvr find the words to express the situation
it nvr was her nor her
or any other u see mr around with
in my mind u'll find
ure the onli one i truly cared
if it aint
why would these feelins linger on this long
ure the first the one and only love

cuz i'll be a fool not to love u
even when my heart is breakin
as we say goodbye
of all the times i tink of ya
always at the most fragile moments
unexplainably my mind turns towards ya
ur smile
ur sorrows
ur forlorness
evokin every emotions within me
how i wished i could look after and take good care of ya
thru the eyes of ur photographs
i feel u near
like u had nvr left at all

where love was forbidden
feelins only pitiful
why does the tears flow down the contours of ur cheeks
pass the chin
fallin onto the ground as fragments of crystal
the ground where u once stood.
smilin

long long

feelin all alone in a place so foreign
so afraid in a place faraway
so insecure when theres no one else near
beneath the fears
hidden the truth
the depth which i can nvr
nvr grasp and nvr understand
how i wished
how i longed for u to be here
to hold me close
to chase all the fears away
when ure close to me
when u hold me in ur arms

so many times i tried
nvr good enough for u
wastin my life and time
tot it was over but its nvr over
theres always something new
being a fool endlessly

the chill brings all sorts of emptiness
illusions and disappointments
im facin the long nite alone
the feelins stirrin up
the pain tat comes alone
the emotions playin
for a moment i tot i was free
the reminder tat served could nvr be more cruel
nvr come faster
breakin every dream into a thousand little pieces
scattered by the wind
lost to the world and u'll nvr noe
time will nvr stop for me
yet could nvr go fast enough
every little thought of u
remindin me of wad i really am
so faraway from u

a bird in a cage could nvr fly
a flower in a glass will nvr die
neither a bird nor a flower
neither here nor there
stuck in between reality
wings tat cannot fly are useless
flowers tat nvr bloom aint beautiful
beauty was nvr meant to be judged by eyes so corrupt
the sight tat burns with sceptic
good or bad onli fills ur mind with contempt
ur mind tats filled with hatred
one step forward
makin two steps back
i dunno where im goin
i dunno where ive been
but its always the same old sights
same old dreams

when i lose my mind
when i lose myself
when i lose my heart
when i lose my dreams
i tink of ya
somethin so special bout u
juz thinkin alone could bring a smile to my face
runnin thru this monsoon
with only u on my mind
to tell myself to bring myself back home to u
to u and u only

realised in retrospect when all else was far too late
the disappointment unexplainable
askin only for ur forgiveness
if only to live the story tat we had in the year tat passed us by
when the warmth returns to this rain soaked place
returnin back with a smile
all the love tat u have taken away

nvr knew wad i was doin
they nvr knew nor even guess as much
i walk alone
choosin my path alone
understandin life and withstandin the lonely nites
i choose wad i wan
i walk this life alone

happy or sad no longer matters
as long as the past i can still remember
if regrets are wad u had at the ebd
wad were thise tat we had at the start
dry ur tears before u move on to the next stop
as i let u go
embarkin on my long journey
choosin not to love nor to hate
the day where all emotions cease to be

little times tat we gad
when the world around seems even harder to survive in
livin day by day
nvr knew wads in store at the end of life
no promises
nothin gained but it doesnt matter
ur love is all tat is needed to keep it goin
maybe we'll go seperate ways in the end
or nvr see each other again
i dun care
standin under the pourin rain still
waitin for u
waitin for u to kiss me in the night
for u to come into my dreams
my cinderella
till our crop of black turns silver

when stars of little lit up the sky
theres another fallin into the oblivion
fightin for ur dreams
if only for a better tomorrow with u
to spend the empty nites in the comfort in ur arms
from now till eternity
no longer feelin lonely
lifes no longer empty
with u in my heart
in my heart

fate deals a wondeful hand
eyes of electric
so nice it could kill
and i would cherish this journey daily with u
even when im not with u
away from u
my heart is still with u

lovin u was wad i would do

its things like this tat make me wun feel like goin home
the same old things the same old shit
we go thru it all over and over again
does it really matter
everybody
everyone
everything
all wans a piece of me

in the darkness
makin it feel like home
when i lose myself
i'll tink of u
ure the key to another world
runnin away to somewhere new
onli me and u
the end of time
divin into the blues
the seperation drivin me insane
runnin thru the rain
runnin on with pain
i'll be with u soon
so soon

cuz i noe i'll nvr be him
i'll nvr be the one in ur heart
and i noe ure feelin blue
feelin tired and so alone
ur insecurities devour u
i cant be there
i'll nvr be
im too faraway to even noe where u are
my nights spent away
im walkin further away from u
till the day i find my way home back to u
but after all tat we've been thru
doesnt really matter if im comin back home to u

fightin souls

the distance could onli get bigger
a gap onli wider
too much misunderstandings
too little time together
but nothin could be better
when we live our lives together forever

as soldiers fight on
theres another devil watchin
waitin to swoop on any souls tat fall
with their silver wings and black horns
they're comin
within their burnin eyes and silver swords
they're comin
to take any soul tat falls

holdin on from the start
standin on par with reality
the more pretence
the more emotions tat turmoils
if any.the other side of me
if decided.to lead a sad life
but i wanna prove myself completely
the maximum tat i can push
with onli u in my eyes
thru the masses
right straight to u
lookin at me fairly
to balance out the equation
and u'll see tat everythin else redandunt
fightin and i dun use words
the wind and the cold
i'll still be there
not lookin back
cherishin every single possibilities in me
maybe right
maybe wrong
maybe dangerous
maybe its always me

nvr die

wadever they will say
onli wan to continue on with my way
in the face of danger
still runnin head on
unable to compete with power
but i'll live longer than tat

lovin ya in a hundred years time
and no one around would object
maybe the union late by a few decades
this love never abandoned
love in another era
till all the flowers wither and die
the waitin is long
but i made up my mind
waitin for ya

is it u

i could not be
can nvr be
but i am only me
nothin but only me
and i noe its too real
this feelin tat i feel
and i tink bout u
and i miss u

someone who realli understand
someone who realli noes the way to my heart
someone tat ive been waitin for

how am i to see through
this foggy mist of sky
maybe theres no light at the end of the tunnel
maybe theres no tunnel towards the light i see
everything is gone without u
fallin in too deep

a long long way away

pickin up my baggage
saw the sorrow in ur eyes
how can i ever let u forget
the dreams tat we once had

a day like this
somethin u wish last forever
filled with insignificance
breakin the day into little parts
fragments tat we can always remember
like i always do
like lovers always will

joker in love with the beauty
nothin but the joker's own joke
drastically changed
a matter of weeks
and oh how roles reverse
like i always do
like soldiers marchin on

doesnt really matter anymore to me
i'll be fuckin faraway
a long long way away
a long long way from where i no longer belong

euphoria

ure all decked in black
darker than the deepest night
a million emotions tat runs thru ur face
but wheres the smile
ur feelins colorin ya blue
an allurin mystery
theres nothin where u used to be
there somethin left in ur void
for all the times i fall
theres the image of u in my head
when i no longer feel my face
when i no longer struggle

induced euphoria to keep me goin on
the onli thing left to hold on
u can take my life tonite
in this world so wrong

scream

no one can ever make me feel this way
makin my life ever so beautiful
tinkin of u tat makes my grey skies clear
no one else can make me feel this way
even though im not with u
everyday of my life is meant for lovin u
fallin even more in love with u
lookin at the skies tat reminds me of u
starin at the seas tat reminds me of u
every little thing is ya

the sky a hue of blue
bluer than the sky my feelins are

the moon a beautiful face
yet comes not even close compared to ur face
cuz theres no one like ya
and i'll like no other
no one else but ya

far faraway

when the time has come
u noe i'll let ya go
cuz i dun wan u to be the one to do the missin
i dun wan u to be the one cryin
nvr wan u to cry for me

im lonely
im tired
im missin ya again
once again
far faraway from those i love

rememberin the words and moments tat we said and shared
in need of a person who can be true to
leavin her behind to wait when i left
and how i miss her so
when hope seems so faraway